We've collected some of the finest gym, bodybuilding, fitness, crossfit, and workout related jokes for your viewing pleasure. So sit back, kick your feet up, and enjoy. Unless you're between sets, then you should be working out instead of playing on your phone!
- Pure Cut Supps
Did you hear about the weightlifting vegetable?
He was a muscle sprout.
What does a bodybuilder do for cardio?
He lifts weights faster.
Why did the blonde get a perm?
Because her trainer said curls might help.
Why couldn't the personal trainer get evicted?
Because he was squatting.
What happened when the personal trainer brought a lion to the gym?
His clients got ripped to shreds.
Why do hamburgers go to the gym?
To get better buns.
Why did the fish stop lifting weights?
He pulled a mussel.
My average leg day is doing diddly squat.
That day when you no longer have to photoshop your gains.
A man in his sixties asks the trainer at the gym: What machine should I use to impress a 30 year old girl? The personal trainer looks at him and says ... "I recommend the ATM."
An overweight man sees an ad on his TV, for a guaranteed 5 lb. a week weight loss program. He decides, "what the hell", and calls and purchases it. A week later a beautiful woman shows up at his door wearing nothing but a pair of running shoes, a smile, and a sign around her neck which read, "if you can catch me you can have me", and she started running. He followed. This continued everyday for that week, guaranteed, he lost five lbs. After that, the man saw an ad for a 7 lb. a week weight loss program, which he signs up for. The next day, an even more beatiful woman shows up at his door in similar conditions, and she started running. But this time, he almost caught her. But, guaranteed, he lost 7 lbs. that week. He then signs up for the MAXPRO 10 lb. a week program. The next day, a 300 lb. muscle man shows up at his door wearing nothing but a pair of running shoes, a raging erection and a sign around his neck which read, "If I can catch you, I can have you." The man lost 17 lbs. that week
Several men were in the locker room of the gym when a cell phone on a bench rang and a man put it on speaker and begins to talk. Everyone in the room stopped to listen. >Man: Hello!
Woman: Hi honey, its me. Are you at the club?
Woman: Im at the shops now and found this beautiful leather coat. Its only $2000: is it OK if I buy it?
Man: Sure, go ahead if you like that much.
Woman: I also stopped by the Lexus dealership and saw the new models. I saw one that I really liked.
Man: How much?
Man: OK, but for that price I want it with all options.
Woman: Great! Oh, and one more thing. I was just talking to Jane and found out that the house I wanted last year is back on market. They are asking $980,000 for it.
Man: Well, then go ahead and offer $900,000. They’ll probably take it. If not, we can go to the extra $80,000 if that’s what you really want.
Woman: OK. See you later! I love you too much!
Man: Bye, I love you too.
The man hung up. The other men in the locker room were staring at him in astonishment, mouths wide open.
He turned and asked: Anyone knows whose phone is this?
At the gym, I decided to hop on a treadmill.
There’s a new machine down at the gym today
I used it for an hour and felt sick, it’s great though, got everything, KitKats, M&Ms, Snickers, the lot!
My local gym costs $120 for an entire year
That’s $60 per visit, not a great deal.
Honestly, I don't mind leg day at the gym
It's just the two days after that I can't stand
I just saw some idiot at the gym
He put a water bottle in the Pringles holder on the treadmill.
Paid athletes bulk faster than prisoner using gym facilities
The pros outweigh the cons
I said to the Gym instructor "Can you teach me to do the splits?"
He said "How flexible are you?".
I said "I can't make Tuesdays"
I invited my girlfriend to go to the gym with me and then I didn’t show up
I hope she gets the message that we’re not working out.
After years of hard work in the gym as a personal trainer I finally admitted I wasn’t strong enough and quit.
I just handed in my too weak notice.
Two Chameleons walk in a gym.
The first one says “Spot me, bro”
The second goes “Who said that?”
J.K. Rowling recently tweeted out that Hogwarts actually has a full gym for wizards to exercise and lift weightsThe entrance is called the Dumbbell Door
What's it called when a rapper goes to the gym for 20 minutes?
A Lil Pump.
After weeks of keeping it secret, I confessed to my gym buddies that I had taken the bench press out of my workout schedule.
That was a weight off my chest.
I asked my trainer at the gym if I could start shadow boxing.
He said, “Knock yourself out!”
Two Canadian body builders were working out at the gym. After they were done, they sat together in the locker room.
One turned to the other and said, "I'm sore, eh?"
The other said, "What for?"
I have been hitting the gym recently.
I'm not getting fitter, but my hand is getting darn bloody.
I want to start running twenty four-hour gyms
And they’ll all be open 11-3 daily
Saw a group of bodybuilding priests at the gym today
Talk about muscle mass
I just signed up for a 12 month membership at a gym.
My bank called wondering if my credit card got stolen
My account said I'm crazy for investing all my money in my idea of building a business that offers a boxing gym, a dentist, and a manicurist all under one roof.
But I told him I'm going to fight tooth and nail for it. Now if I could just think of a clever name for it, I'd be all set...
What do you call Elon Musk when he’s been to the gym a lot?
I got kicked out of my gym in the middle of kickboxing class
Turns out they do not have kickboxing classes.
I went to the gym on my own Accord this morning.
I mean why would I take some one else's car?
You know the best part about being the only person at the gym that uses a speed bag?
There’s no punchline
Why do impatient people hate to go to the gym?
Because of the weights!
Started going to the gym and I dropped 10 pounds very quickly.
Thankfully the dumbbell missed my foot